Taking a retreat - an invitation for self-care and ‘being’
“Even a short period of retreat is a benevolent rest, a stepping outside of busy daily routines and our ordinary identity. Released from the tyranny of time, we are invited into the reality of the present.” - Jack Kornfield
The practice room at our retreat manor farm in Norfolk, for our three-night Mindfulness for Wellbeing Weekends.
Mindfulness teacher and Yoga at the Mill co-founder Lucia recalls the transformational nature of her first retreat and looks at how stepping away from everyday demands can help us rest back from the compulsive habit of ‘doing’, allowing us to notice more and re-discover a connection with ourselves.
A first retreat experience
I still vividly remember attending my first retreat. It was a beautifully crafted weekend escape at a stunning manor farm in Kent, and the raison d’être was to do less rather than more. There were several scheduled classes each day: T’ai Chi al fresco, yoga and meditation - along with spare time to read, wander, sleep and ‘be’.
Free periods of solo time were weaved in-between group meals and practice sessions. It felt like a perfect nurturing balance, and one enhanced by the beauty of the old house and surrounding enveloping countryside.
These few days over 20 years ago made a lasting impression and coincided with a move away from writing full-time, towards taking a leap of faith into teaching yoga and meditation.
It’s difficult to pin down exactly what felt transformational about this, my first of so many future retreat experiences - but I suspect it was related to the implicit invitation for stopping and stillness, reflection and self-care - elements so often missing in our frantic society, where the treadmill of physical and mental busyness is a by- product of our culture’s obsession with striving and achievement.
The lure and sting of ‘doing’ mode
There is nothing inherently wrong with being busy and we frequently need this mode to get things done: to complete a work task, plan holidays, get the kids to school on time, drive from A to B.
But when we are mentally and/or physically unable to stop, even for a short while, a host of problems can arise - restlessness, anxiety, insomnia; low-lying feelings of stress that feel so familiar because they have become normalised and embedded into our bodies, minds and frazzled nervous systems. It’s that ‘tired but wired’ feeling that can be so familiar at 3am, the body needing sleep, the mind churning.
‘Doing’ mode is highly efficient and also highly addictive as the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline are galvanised. Our compulsion to keep moving, and look out for danger, is hardwired into our nervous systems as a fierce survival mechanism from hunter gatherer days.
In essence this is why, when we find ourselves in Savasana, that supposedly blissful part at the end of the yoga class where we lie down and do nothing, it feels like the most challenging element of the class. And why, when we allow ourselves to pause and sit in meditation, the mind generally does not follow the body in stopping. And why, when we do take time out to pause and go on retreat, we can find the extended periods of resting and downtime unsettling.
It can take some time to settle into the slower, switched-off (phones on aeroplane mode!) pace of life on retreat - a natural by-product of living in our speedy social media-driven culture that is always ‘on’. Busyness is a seductive, addictive habit; going on retreat interrupts this personal and societal default mode and invites us to shift down some gears and trust in our unfolding experience without having to do something or add anything to our experience. Instead, can we notice our reactions and meet whatever arises - thoughts, urges, feelings - with kindness and curiosity?
Pausing, connecting
A retreat is a rare chance to stop, stand back and compassionately notice our experience as it is - body, breath, thoughts, emotions, nervous system, and to allow the brittle layers of reactivity and ‘doing’ to soften and de-compress. In mindfulness training, this shift is referred to as a movement from ‘doing’ to ‘being’.
Roll on two decades, and I have been lucky enough to attend many dozens of retreats, firstly as a writer, reviewing the experience; then as a participant and student; then as a teacher and facilitator. And now, I try to find a balance of both - being a student as well as leading retreats. (We are all always students after all). Each experience is different, both in practical ways (single or shared rooms, en-suite or not, a full or gentle schedule, the UK or abroad, in silence or not) and in the intention and feel of the teaching.
They are always an invitation to stand back from routines, demands and auto-pilot and allow ourselves to be taken care of: three wholesome, prepared (and, yay, cleared away!) meals a day, early bed times and a yoga and/or meditation schedule designed to ease tired bodies and soothe agitated minds. Time for connection - with others (whether in silence or not) and, most importantly, again with ourselves.
Mini-moments, longer moments
And if attending a whole day, weekend or longer retreat is not viable, retreat mini-moments can be found in the fabric of a normal day: prioritising five minutes out to drink a cup of tea without the smartphone chirping away, noticing sensations, smells, taste. A minute out of typing at the computer to take ten slow, deep breaths. An hour out for a yoga or meditation class. An unhurried walk outside in nature without a phone and maybe even without agenda; dropping into our sensory experience in this noticing, receptive, ‘being’ mode.
It’s time well spent for both yourself and others; your rested, more spacious self can go out into the world with renewed vigour, care and intention.
To close with more words from US meditation teacher Jack Kornfield:
“Breathe with compassion for your busy self and then put down all your plans. Open yourself to wonder. Let your heart be fed and your spirit renewed. Then when you tend your family, your community, the world, you can do so with a stronger, more peaceful heart.”
What next? Upcoming retreats and mindfulness courses
Our next Guardian-recommended Norfolk Mindfulness for Wellbeing retreat runs December 2-5, 2022. Click here.
Relaxation and Nature Connection non-residential retreat, rural Essex, January 28 and/or January 29, 2023. Click here.
Weekly live stream Tuesday 7.30-8.30pm meditation class for all. Click here.
Live streamed eight-week mindfulness course, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) - next intake late January 2023. Click here.
Lucia Cockcroft is a mindfulness and mindful yoga teacher, writer and co-founder of Yoga at the Mill, Chelmsford-based and online.